Four months ago today...

I left the USA on August 24th. It's hard to believe it's been four months. It took me a long time to make the decision to go abroad and once I did it took quite a bit longer to buy that plane ticket and leave my step-daughter and find a home for my dog and cat and quit my job and rent out my condo and leave my friends and boyfriend... Even though I really wanted this, the day I left I felt so much panic, so much of "what am I doing," "did I really know what I was getting myself into?" and "I'm NOT going because I can't get on that plane." I felt so many things that didn't make sense. I felt physically sick, angry, sad, scared... happy wasn't one of them that day! I know - you're probably thinking if it were you, you would have been ecstatic! It's difficult to leave though and to change everything in your life. You leave everything familiar, everything you love and all "your people."

The first three weeks were very challenging. I was excited to be here but missed home incredibly. The weather was so hot and rainy that I had to take a nap almost every day. The food was so different I had entertaining body moments and then include the change in bathroom styles and it was really entertaining! Few of those at the school spoke English and if they did they were very shy at first to communicate so I didn't know who else spoke English besides the British English teacher. Mobility is zero unless you walk or ask for a ride. I couldn't ride a motorbike and everything is at least 2-3 km away. By the time October rolled around I was finally feeling comfortable in my shoes here and adjusting... just in time for the children to take a one month break and go "home."

Then I was off to Nepal which was amazing and beautiful and hard too. I enjoyed much of it with the exception of a few miserable moments of being sick and hiking and hurting and being tired of walking. But overall I really enjoyed the culture and trekking. I had one major moment in Pokhara of "I don't want to be gone a year, this was (again) a stupid idea... I want to go home...." So, I rowed myself across the lake one morning very early, watched some monkeys on the shore and had a good cry. Something about sitting in a canoe in water and having it out is very good. Then I hiked the 2 miles uphill to a huge gompa and rowed back the 1-2 miles back across the lake. Seemed to cure my homesick blues and they haven't hit that hard again since.

Coming back from Nepal I felt like I was coming home to my place at Yaowawit. I am so much more comfortable here and enjoying my friends. The staff are wonderful. It is challenging, don't get me wrong. I'm working my tail off with Ina preparing lessons in our time off (evenings and afternoons and even some of those sunny beach weekends in Khao Lak I can be found in my bedroom writing things and making games). I'm trying to find creative ways to engage the kids and you have to stay ahead of that game. I'm also trying to be around more in the "off" time when the kids are playing so that we can speak English and enjoy each other outside of a formal class time. I get to know the older kids this way because I haven't had the opportunity to interact with them as much. By the end of the day I'm exhausted. And then add in the things I'm doing for myself with the online course and grad app and blogging (yes this is the fun part!) and writing e-mails. Thank you so much for your mail and e-mails by the way - I really enjoy keeping in touch with you.

Now, December 24th, I'm very glad I got on that plane. I can't believe it's been four months. I'm pretty confident the rest of the year will be great as well but I'm nervous about where I'll go next. I'm researching things a bit to figure that all out but it will turn out fine.

So... tonight on a night that I would normally be at my friend's house enjoying a delicious Christmas Eve dinner and opening gifts with Larry and Gail and Janna and Kyle and Victor and friends (and maybe even Lauren!), and making a ruckus fit to be heard all the way back to my place cuz they're SO fun, I'm here in Thailand thinking of you! I'm happy that many of you are doing well, thinking of those that aren't, and grateful that you are my friends and that you are sharing this with me.

I did not send gifts or cards this year because of logistics and cost so please understand if Santa Joy did not visit you this year. I am thinking of you though and hope you have the best of Christmas and that the snow in Seattle and Portland doesn't hinder too many plans. Enjoy your family, sneak a kiss under the mistle toe for me and eat lots of ham and pie. (Cuz I'm still eating rice ... sigh!).

I love you! Merry Christmas!